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Can we just call it marriage?

6/28/2015

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Marriage Equality: Love is Tender & Knows no Gender
Photo credit: Purple Sherbet Photography
Friday June 26, 2015 is a historic day in American History. Just as San Francisco and New York City are beginning their LGBTQ Pride celebrations, The Supreme Court of The United States of America ruled that state marriage bans are unconstitutional and everyone has a right to marry the person they love, regardless of gender. 

For decades, the language associated with the LBG fight for equal rights has transformed from Gay Marriage and Same-Sex Marriage to Marriage Equality. Many are still using the term “same-sex marriage” but I’d like to see everyone strike that language from your vocabulary. Why? Let me explain…

Transgender and gender-queer people have been excluded from the freedom to marry the person they love simply because their gender doesn’t match their legal documents. Heterosexual couples were denied the right to marry simply because our federal government does not yet have a process for declaring gender, especially a gender outside the gender binary. The terms “Gay Marriage” and “Same-Sex Marriage” suggest a binary gender construct - Men with Men and Women with Women. It erases the multitude of combinations between biology, psychology, and spirituality that make up Gender. 

If you want to be inclusive and welcoming to all persons, regardless of gender, when discussing this monumental decision, please choose to use “Marriage Equality” because that’s really what this decision means. Everyone, regardless of sex or gender can marry and have the right to the privileges and protections granted to married couples in America.

Thankfully many of our nation’s leaders understand the far reaching impact of this decision:

“No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice, and family. In forming a marital union, two people become something greater than once they were.” – Kennedy, writing for the majority

“Marriage responds to the universal fear that a lonely person might call out only to find no one there. It offers the hope of companionship and understanding and assurance that while both still live there will be someone to care for the other.” – Kennedy, writing for the majority

"There's so much more work to be done to extend the full promise of America to every American. But today, we can say in no uncertain terms that we've made our union a little more perfect." — President Barack Obama.

"This decision recognizes the fundamental truth that our love is all equal. Today is a great day for America. #LoveWins" — Tweet from first lady Michelle Obama.

"So while we celebrate the progress won today, we must stand firm in our conviction to keep moving forward. For too many LGBT Americans who are subjected to discriminatory laws, true equality is still just out of reach." — Former Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton, Democratic presidential contender.

"This decision is about creating a future where loving, committed families are able to live with dignity. This is about freedom. This is about love. This is transformative, not only for LGBT families, but for America." — House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi, D.-Calif.

"Today's ruling strikes a blow to inequality and discrimination throughout the nation, and that's good for Americans' mental health." — Renee Binder, president of the American Psychiatric Association, which in 1973 removed homosexuality from its list of mental disorders.


The tide is turning for LGBTQ persons in this nation, in our culture. I look forward to the day when no one has to fear being assaulted, discriminated, degraded, or discarded because of who they are or who they love. I fear for the LGBTQ youth and adults who take this opportunity to live and love authentically and find themselves facing abandonment from their friends and family, discrimination from their jobs and housing, and assault from strangers wherever they go. June 26th, 2015 is a monumental day in American History, but the fight for equal rights and protection under the law and cultural acceptance continues. 

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#Youaremore

12/1/2014

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The world tries to tell us who are, who we should be, who we're not allowed to be. Every word someone uses to describe or identify us stays with us through our memories. The language we use in our thoughts speaks far louder than the voices of those who try to tear us down, and even louder still than those who try to build us up. We give those labels power over our emotions, and we tend to let our emotions rule our lives. 

Part of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy involves disconnecting the emotional response to these words - the language of our thoughts. You are more than the thoughts in your mind, and the perceptions of others. You are a unique, talented, beautiful person with the power to observe, accept, and love your internal dialogue and physical form. I love this symbolic shedding of labels as a powerful experience crystalizing the concept of whole self. 
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Why would anybody seek counseling?

8/7/2014

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In our American culture, we have a disdain for “crazy people.” Most of us share a belief that anyone who goes to a counselor or a therapist must be broken somehow. This stigma is built on the cultural expectation that we must all be happy, at least whenever we’re in public. Imagine if you greet someone at the supermarket, “Hello! How are you?” and they answer with, “Terrible. I’m depressed today.” Would you be caught off-guard by their response? We tend to carry the expectation that people will answer with, “Well,” “Great!” or “Fine.” regardless of whether that’s the truth. We’re taught from a young age that if we’re not happy, then we better hide it and pretend to be fine for fear of being “crazy.” 

The reality is that everybody experiences disappointment, frustration, unfortunate circumstances, changes to relationships, life, death, and transition. Any major event in our life span, such as marriage, divorce, childbirth, graduation, new career, retirement, etc create stress in our lives. Combine that with the daily stress of parenting, meeting or maintaining our personal goals, deadlines and pressure at work, busy social and extracurricular schedules and you have a formula for a huge amount of stress. The same cultural beliefs that teach us it is wrong to be “crazy” fail to teach us how to manage our stress. 

A psychologist named Maslow once devised a theory of human motivation that explains how humans develop emotionally. In his theory, Maslow’s hierarchy of needs suggests that some needs are more fundamental than others and it’s often depicted in a pyramid with the most fundamental needs (physiological) at the bottom and the most advanced (self-actualization)  at the top. Maslow’s theory is that once a level of needs is met, then a person is able to move on to attempt to meet the next level of needs. For example, if someone is battling a physical ailment or experiencing a lack of resources such as food or water, then that person won’t have the motivation to improve other areas of their life such as friendships, sexual intimacy, self-esteem, or creativity. 

Being emotionally well is similar to reaching the top of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. When a person is able to self-actualize, they are able to not only live but thrive, reaching their full potential and living authentically true to themselves. If we’re hiding or denying the not-so-pretty emotions that are a natural experience of life, how can we hope to live authentically true to ourselves, reaching our highest potential?

A warm, friendly, and competent counselor provides a safe space and insightful guidance for processing the full range of emotions people experience. Counseling helps you meet your needs and advance up the pyramid to self-actualization where you manifest your greatest potential.

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    Anna Baxter

    A counselor passionate about love, communication, and happiness for all. I feel called to help people find internal and external peace by living and loving more authentically.

    verified by Psychology Today

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