Oppression harms everyone. Love is the cure.
Sander T. Jones (author of Cultivating Connection: A Practical Guide for Personal and Relationship Growth in Ethical Non-Monogamy, one of my favorite books to recommend to someone needing support around “improving communication”) recently wrote a blog post titled, Power Without Love and I absolutely have to share it with all of you.
My takeaways are these:
Systems of oppression (racism, ablism, sexism, capitalism, etc) are harmful not only to the people who are oppressed, but also to the oppressors. Because to maintain power over others, you must turn off your ability to experience empathy for another, to care for another, to ignore or rationalize suffering, to ignore parts of yourself that experience shame or responsibility. To ignore any part of yourself is to impede authenticity, to create disconnection in your relationships, personal and otherwise. As Sander puts it,
“This is not just moral injury—it’s emotional fragmentation. You cannot feel someone else’s pain while holding them beneath you. You have to numb something in yourself to maintain that hierarchy.
And numbing doesn’t just stop our pain. It blocks our joy, love, trust, and the ability to truly be known.”
How can you, our dear reader, prevent this disconnection, dismantle systems of oppression, and lean into authentic connection in your relationships? Love of course! Love requires vulnerability, vulnerability requires emotional courage including willingness to feel guilt, empathy for others who are hurting, compassion for another as well as ourselves.
“Because real love—love as bell hooks defines it in her book ‘All About Love: New Visions’—is not just affection or kindness. It’s a commitment to nurturing the growth of ourselves and others. And that is impossible without vulnerability.”
Read Sander’s blog here: Power Without Love
